Or, alternatively, BACK OFF BITCH.

So I have this former roommate from college. We were roommates our freshman and sophomore years and besties for awhile (not to overly promote myself or anything, but I made her and her now-husband happen. And later encouraged him to just wait it out when she broke up with him after graduation. Because I am a nice person.) until she sat by and let our other two roommates pull some serious mean girls shit on me (apparently I deserved it because I did evil things like drink non-diet soda and, you know, EAT real food and I had boys who liked me. Bad fifi! Also, although interestingly enough this was never thrown in my face like the other stuff, I was/am a bit bossy. No one is perfect.) and then, at the end of the day, she picked the mean girls over me (I mean, it’s worked out for them-they were in her wedding) and, at the time, I was deeply upset and sad, but let it go because we had been besties. However, as time when by, and she made what I see in retrospect to be very half-assed and fake overtures of continuing friendship, I eventually got to the end of my rope when she told me she could give me 10 minutes when she was in DC for a week and broke things off. And we have not talked since. However, we do still have mutual acquaintances and I hear things. And we are still friends because unfriending someone, deserved as it may be, seems awfully spiteful to me and I just don’t really care that much.

As such, occasionally I log into fb and see things about her. And occasionally such things are enough to make me blow up Jill on gchat all: can you believe what horseface did now?!? (I’m a bitch. I get that. But she does also have a very narrow face…). Because she is FOR REALZ copying my life.

Granted I only have two incidents of this, but it’s enough. Exhibit A: of all the law firms in all the world, she summered at MY law firm. MINE. In the Chicago office, but still MINE. Which means we may have to cross paths sometime in the future. Of course, I don’t know if she’ll actually end up working there, but given the economy, I can’t imagine she won’t be on the list of new lawyers come fall. SIGH.

So then, (Exhibit B), I log into fb today and see that she has posted honeymoon pictures. And even though they are the wee little thumbnail pictures, I think, “hmmm those look AWFULLY familiar.”

That’s because they stayed at the exact same random (but very nice)hotel in Costa Rica that the Boyfriend and I stayed in when we went two years ago.

Yes, yes. I realize I sound crazy. The Boyfriend says I should be happy because we were trendsetters (we stayed there right after it opened). I say: MINE.


Maybe this would be a good time to utilize an experienced gate agent to deal with the approximately one hundred unhappy people trying to get to LaGuardia instead of a brand new agent who is a freaking tortoise and seems to only get slower when she looks up and sees the massive line in front of her. Oh, and dude in the cordoroy jacket with the slicked back hair who clearly styles himself in the college-professor-as-invisioned-by-hollywood vein and whose name badge is cleverly obscured so all I can read is “Matt” and who is clearly some sort of higher management, it does NOT help when you tell us all to cut her some slack because she’s a newbie. (Also, it does not help when you try and hit on cute female stranded passengers, fyi). You might consider, oh I don’t know, actually doing something, instead of just wandering around with your two way pager looking special. Just a thought.

is courtsey of USAirways and the fact that I have spent the last four hours stuck at the Philly airport trying to get on another flight. Perhaps if they had held our original flight for ten minutes so that the ten of us could have made it, they wouldn’t be dealing with standby lists of thirty or more people. That would, of course, be far too logical for an airline though. HATE.

Or they could just offer to reimburse the costs of a train ticket to NYC (which it seems likely I will be paying out of pocket). But why do that when they could just profit from a bunch of unused tickets?

Happy New Years to you too, USAirways.

The Turks and Caicos

And it was wonderful. The water was the clearest and prettiest that I’ve ever seen and, since it was the off-season, the beach was nice and quiet* so I was able to completely relax. Which, of course, was much needed post-Bar.

Beach View2

It turns out that this is going to be my 100th post so I think it’s only fitting to celebrate such a milestone with lots of pictures of a beautiful locale.

Beach View4

Our hotel from the beach.


Our hotel.

Pool View

Our pool.


the elusive fifi-bird, spotted on the beach in a rare state of total contentment.


the boyfriend puts in an appearance.


The boyfriend finds a conch.



Beach, book, and beer. What more do you need?



Sandy Feet3

Water Feet

fifi toes with (hopefully) lucky purple-is-for-the-law polish.


The boyfriend was a wee bit cranky about this one. He alleges that I am the “worst suntan lotion apply-er ever,” but I think it was more that he never wanted to get out of the water to put on more sunscreen. (For reals people, sometimes it is like dealing with a child. But I love him.)

Grocery Store

And, because I am a geek like that, I leave you with a picture of the grocery store, mainly because it was SO much nicer than any grocery store in NYC!

*Except perhaps for the girl who struck up a conversation with us on the beach after we all participated in a snorkeling excursion and who punctuated her sentences with “FUCK YOU” said in a strong Philly accent. She used it kind of like how some people use “Shut Up!” i.e. “You’re from New York City? FUCK YOU. We’re from Philly” or “You’re a lawyer? FUCK YOU. No, seriously, FUCK YOU. So’s my husband! Crazy!” Indeed.

So there are very few things that invoke hostility in me like the airport security line. The people who putter about in line, doing nothing productive, only to then get to the silver metal table before the x-ray machine and take 10 minutes to get out their laptop/throw away their water bottles/dig out their toiletries from their bag/take off all their jewelry/dig around in their pockets for loose change and wallets and cellphone and berries/final take off their shoes and then – oh wait! – take off their jacket make me INSANE (clearly). I want to throw things at them (and these are also the people who then stop immediately on the other side of the machine and start putting themselves back together, ignoring all the people trying to get their things around them). People are so f’-ing inconsiderate.  It’s like: have you never flown before? Is it a surprise that you have to take your laptop out? Could you not have started this process 10 minutes ago??? HATE.

In contrast, I’m the girl in line with her laptop out, ziplock bag in one hand, coat over her arm, ticket out and ready from the moment she steps in line.* I’m also the girl wearing the (extremely cute) ballet slippers that can be slipped off and thrown on the belt in under 2 seconds, as well as the girl glaring at the idiots in front of her and, if you catch her in the right mood, making cranky comments to her boyfriend who is pretending not to know her.**

As you likely know, girls like me are sadly outnumbered in the airport security line. Normally, this just annoys me; rarely does it amuse me. Until our return from Mystery Destination (still taking guesses!), when the boyfriend and I got stuck behind the worst traveller EVER (WTE). This young gentleman was clearly someone who is aware of the world around him, judging from the impressive array of technology he piled into his first plastic bin (including a MacBook and iPhone), but the fine points of the security process escaped him. Maybe he thought the security process would be more lax in Mystery Destination, but, since it is a part of the British Empire (clue!), I think that was expecting a bit much. First, he was shocked when the security people would not let him walk through the metal detector carrying a bottle of water (and then he held up the line while he chugged said bottle of water). Next, when the security people searched his first bag, they had to confiscate six cans of diet coke (WTE: They’re cans! Not bottles!).

But the best part was what they found in his other bag: A FIVE INCH FISHING HOOK. A thick, five inch fishing hook. With blood on the tip. Even the security guy was like: Seriously?! WTE claimed it was for shark fishing. Security still confiscated it. Which, well played, security. Well played.

*Really there is no need to take off the jewelry. I never do and I’ve never had a problem. It is the rare person sporting enough bling to actually set off the metal detector.

**He also pretended not to know me on the flight down to Mystery Destination when:

a) After listening to him complain for 10 minutes, I turned around and, extremely politely, asked the woman sitting behind me to please tell her 5 year old son who was sitting behind the boyfriend to STOP kicking the boyfriend’s seat (the boyfriend dislikes confrontation – I believe sometimes confrontation is necessary). I was very nice, but firm, about it and the kicking stopped, and

b) When the couple two rows behind us decided that they, and their 8-ish month old were so special that they were entitled to watch a movie on their laptop with FULL SOUND ON and no earphones. After listening to the high squeaky voices of whatever characters are popular with the under 1 set these days for about 10 minutes, I pushed the flight attendant call button and complained. And, despite the fact that these people were still being extremely RUDE, and you think I am 20-something-going-on-cranky-old-woman and a bitch, in my defense, it was also 8 am/I had just finished taking the BAR/got roughly 5 hours of sleep the night before/was a touch hungover. But, had none of those things been in play, I probs. would have reacted the same way. I really don’t like inconsiderate people/people who think the rules don’t apply to them.

So this is what I spent the last four days looking at:


Gorgeous, right? And we had a great time. Once I have all our pics organized, I will do a photo post about the trip and tell you all about it, including exactly which beach this is. Until then, I take all guesses 🙂

Today, however, I’m looking at this:


I know, I know. Totally gross and for that I apologize. Dating back to high school, I always seem to catch cold right after finals/periods of lots of stress. So it’s really no big shocker that I would get struck down by a cold bug post-Bar. I’m just glad it waited until we got back from vacation!

Anyway, in addition to the vacation post, I’m also working on getting caught up with the posts that were in the pipeline pre-Bar, so we’ll have lots to talk about from here on out. For right now though, I think it may be nap time. Or go turn the bathroom into a steam room-time. Whichever.