So the truck has been loaded and the Boyfriend et. al. are in transit from the G.C. I have completed my Very Important dual duties of “Requester of the Keys” (I had to show I’d and everything!) and “Inspector of the Apartment” and am now just hanging out in the lobby waiting for the assorted troops to arrive.

You may be curious as to why the Boyfriend’s Sister is not, say, inspecting her own apartment and that would be because she is not actually going to be present for said Big Move as she has been in Miami all weekend for work and is scheduled to land in Newark at about 3:00 at which point, barring any unexpected incidents/I find out we are actually also expected to unpack everything as well, the Big Move should be complete.

Some people might, I don’t know, wait to schedule their move for a day when they are actually around to MOVE, but the Boyfriend’s Sister does not roll that way. Instead, her big contribution was to send around a powerpoint “presentation” (Can you call one single lonely ppt slide a presentation? I think no.) Detailing what time we all needed to arrive and what we needed to be doing at different times. I kid you not. Highlights include:

10:30 – fifi arrives at apartment
10:40 – fifi begins apartment inspection

And my personal favorite:

10:15 – Boyfriend’s Sister boards plane in Miami


Anyway, the Boyfriend thought this was all clever and awesome as evidenced by his “My sister is so good at organizing! Look at this awesome powerpoint presentation she made to help us!” email he used to circulate the ppt.

I forwarded it to my mother. She emailed back that she was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. She may be full of awesome, the Madre is, but she is not always full of empathy. Particularly when it is related to ridiculous situations the Boyfriend’s Sister gets us into.

Update: Shortly after I finished that paragraph, the Boyfriend’s Cousin and his wife showed up to help so I was forced to pack away the snark. The Boyfriend’s Sister ended up getting in around 1:30 as we were finishing up and was her usual cheerful self and proceeded to be bratty to her mother who was innocently trying to help organize things. (MA! Ugh. That is NOT where I want that box. MA! You’re doing it wrong. MA! etc.) Charming.*

*I mean, yes, this is a different strokes for different folks situation, but all I know is that if the Madre volunteered to unpack and set up my kitchen for me, I would be all: YES PLEASE. But that is just me. And I also know she would do an awesome job.

As it turns out, people are still finding me by searching for things like “how to get along with the boyfriend’s sister” and “gifts from the boyfriend’s sister” and that made me realize that I never updated you as to the gift situation. The boyfriend and I exchanged our gifts before I left to spend the holidays at home and he seemed very happy with his umbrella and cufflinks and I was very happy with my lovely new coffeemaker.

Now, it was really no surprise that I love said coffeemaker because I a) picked it out, b) searched around for the best deal on it, c) found a 20% off bed, bath and beyond coupon, d) went with the boyfriend to buy it, and e) filled out all the rebate information so the boyfriend would save even more money on it. If I’m being bratty honest, I am a little disappointed by how the boyfriend handled the whole thing, but I guess it’s just a difference in approaches. I tried my best to keep the boyfriend’s presents a surprise, whereas he just let the coffeemaker sit in the middle of our living room unwrapped for 2 weeks until the day before we exchanged presents. I know I knew what it was, but I would have appreciated a little more effort on his part. Had it been me, I would have wrapped it immediately and probably also would have gotten him some nice coffee beans to use in the machine to have a little surprise. But whatever. It is exactly what I wanted and I am happy.

So anyway, I returned to New York bearing gifts for the boyfriend from my family (golf pants from my parents and golf balls from my brother. He ended up returning both of them and using the credit to buy a new golf bag, which he is very happy with. God forbid I ever return a present from his family, but he is in absolute love with this new bag, so that’s fine) and to find a stack of presents from his family. A nice tote from his parents which will be good for beach trips in the summer, a book (that I really wanted) from the boyfriend’s brother’s family, and really lovely pjs from his aunt and uncle.* But that’s not what you all wanted to know. The boyfriend’s sister got “me” (and I say “me” because she said the second ticket is for the boyfriend – not that I wouldn’t take him anyway, but still) two spaces in a wine-tasting class and a book about wine because she thought I would like to learn about wine (I know it sounds harmless and nice, but it is the WAY she says things – like I don’t know anything about wine and she thinks it is time for me to get an education) and because she knew that the boyfriend has been wanting to take a wine class. So we are taking a wine class. Woot.

I KNOW I sound like such a bitch, really I do. But you have not met this woman. And she did not single handedly ruin the 30th birthday party you threw for the boyfriend out of pure spite (that is the story I have been meaning to tell you-I’ll get there one of these days). Even though I was not entirely accurate about what the boyfriend’s sister would get me (i.e. something from work), I do know that she got a substantial discount on the class, so I’m not sure why she decided she needed to make such a fuss about how much she spent to the boyfriend. I am all for getting deals and saving money so I absolutely don’t begrudge her that, but I’m not sure why she would tell the boyfriend how much she spent, unless she wanted to make sure I spent enough on her. I know, I am horrible. Really, if I a) didn’t feel forced to buy the extra present by the boyfriend and/or b) thought she cared about picking something I would like, I really wouldn’t care. I really need to work on not letting her get to me and work on the whole being a bigger person/forgiveness thing.

The boyfriend has been pushing me to make resolutions. Maybe that should be one.

Or not.

*Also, TOTALLY RANDOM AND UNEXPECTED. We have never exchanged presents in the past, so I didn’t get them anything. Apparently the boyfriend’s aunt stumbled on them at Lord&Taylor and thought they would be great presents for all the females in the family and was very sweet and thought of me as well. And they might just be my favorite present from the boyfriend’s family because they are SUPER soft and comfy and I seriously considered wearing them all day today.

Also weird about the whole thing: the boyfriend’s aunt signed the tag “Aunt boyfriend’s aunt and Uncle boyfriend’s uncle,” which is cute except for the fact that, despite the fact that the boyfriend and I have been dating for five and a half years, the boyfriend’s parents still expect me to call them “Dr. and Mrs. boyfriend.” Apparently, should we get married, they would then expect me to call them “Mom and Dad,” which is all kinds of not happening because even though I like the boyfriend’s parents very much, I have my own Mom and Dad who I love and adore. But I digress, as always.

So I started this as a reply to Heather‘s comment, but thought I should just make it a general disclaimer so anyone reading the blog who doesn’t read the comments doesn’t think I’m too horrible:

See here’s the thing: I know I sound like an unmitigated brat bitching that she allegedly spent that much money on me. But a) I feel like it’s highly inappropriate given our relationship (not even considering the our personal non-relationship, just the boyfriend’s sister thing), b) over the last 4 years or so of gift exchanging, we have pretty much stayed in the same price range, so it is TOTALLY NOT COOL to suddenly drastically jump outside the established boundaries of our relationship and blindside me with a (have I mentioned inappropriately) expensive gift (I am not paranoid, but I swear she does things like this just to create a situation in which the boyfriend and I have to have a conversation where he tells me that my gift is suddenly just.not.good.enough), and c) (and this is kind of bratty), I kind of doubt she actually spent $80 on me – she’s just telling the boyfriend that. Let me explain. The boyfriend’s sister works for company X. Company X gets lots of freebies and samples and uses, but doesn’t keep, a lot of products. Company X, like other companies, also has unsold inventory. Following me? So Company X then has sales where all the employees can buy these things at a sharp discount. This is where the boyfriend’s sister does her holiday shopping. And that’s lovely because I am a full proponent of saving money and getting good deals, but she never ever ever takes into account what I might actually like or need. Let’s call the products “shower gel” (it’s not a bath products company, in case you think I’m slipping up here!). I have tons of “shower gel.” I have every possible type of “shower gel” I might ever want for every occasion. I even have all the specialty “shower gels.” I am well stocked. And I guarantee the boyfriend’s sister not only got me “shower gel” but got me like, what would be $80 worth on the open market of plumaria “shower gel” (remember that from bath & body works – boy did I love that in middle school) that I will never use because it makes me break out in hives now.

I do know this is a stupid example, but it’s the best I could think of.

So much for my great presents for the boyfriend’s sister. He just informed me that I should get her something else so I won’t feel uncomfortable because she spent around 80 dollars on me.

Which, is she insane? WTF. I wouldn’t spend that much on me if I were the boyfriend’s sister (see previous post on that very subject). And I guarantee you it’s going to be something I don’t want and don’t like. Guarantee. Whereas I now have to get her something off the list she sent the boyfriend to supplement my gift.

She is crafty, that one.

Apparently it is a compliment for him to tell me I am an “extremely proficient” cook. Am I asking too much to want to be something more than just proficient? Maybe I am being too sensitive to word choice here.

I cooked dinner tonight. This is nothing particularly special as I have cooked for myself pretty much every night since my junior year of college. Tonight was also nothing big- just whole wheat pasta with roasted tomatos, spinach and white beans. But the boyfriend RAVED about it which was very sweet.

And then he said, “you know, you’re almost as good of a cook as my sister.”


“Well, of course you’re not as good a cook as my sister. She does have a cookbook.”

And you, dear readers, know how I feel about that. You will be glad to know that I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything mean beyond that it would be nice if he didn’t compare us. But I am not particularly happy right now either.

That’s a good way to start off a post, no?

The boyfriend’s sister-in-law and brother had a baby last week. Everyone of course is thrilled, except perhaps for the newly annointed big sister (“Uncle Boyfriend. You take baby home.”) and he is very cute and sweet as babies generally are. So this is all very exciting and a happy time.

But the boyfriend’s sister took it upon herself to post 50 of the pictures she took at the hospital when they all went to meet the baby on facebook. Which is nice and all, but shouldn’t the parents get to do that? The boyfriend’s sister-in-law is all about facebook so I can’t imagine she’s going to be thrilled about this. Especially now because the boyfriend’s sister is now getting congratulations from both friends and family, i.e. “Congratulations Aunt Stephanie. He’s adorable!”

I mean, he IS extremely cute but Stephanie really gets no credit for that, right? I find it weird.